june

by Roof Doctor

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02:24
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about

i wrote almost all of these songs in june of 2011, which was a very strange month for me. these songs are about loss and other things, but mostly loss.

credits

released 20 July 2011

music by mark harper
produced by fox mulder
album art by fox mulder and alyssa forgione

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Track Name: thanks for the blankets
i don't know if you're just afraid of expectations
or if my emotions have made things too complicated
but what i do know is you made me feel at home
and now that i'm alone again i can't help but feel jaded

would it be wrong to say that i was lead on
when we shared a bed for a month were we just having fun
cause to me it seemed like we were together
though not technically and maybe that's for the better

am i allowed to feel like i'm a husk of a man
who cannot comprehend the thing that you have done to him
or if that's too sensational then
i guess I could pretend that nothing happened and we're just friends

it had a major impact on my self esteem
i'll play it cool and then i'll bury it down deep
my brain could use a little reprogramming
cause what you get is really not what you see
Track Name: dishwasher with a dishwasher
i try not to be a mopey guy
and i try not to be in front of my friends when i cry
but i'm finding when i keep all of my anger cooped inside
that trying isn't really worth the time

so i spend too much of that up in my room
i am alone i won't pick up my phone especially for you
because you piss me off more than all of the other people do
i know that nothing that you said to me was true

and now i'm glad that i am seeing someone new
i hate being on the backburner and not having a clue
and unlike with you my feelings will not cause her to resist
yeah she is a really great psychologist

i'm happy that i just started a job
eight hours washing dishes and my brain will just turn off
it lets me pass out and not confront any of my thoughts
i guess that means my sleep problem is solved

in the fall i am going back to school
you could say that in the past few years i have been to a few
and i think i might be going for something i'd like to do
but if that does not pan out i'll still be cool
but if that does not pan out i wont be cool
but if that does not pan out i'll still be cool
but if that does not pan out i wont be cool
Track Name: when i was really losing it
the thing that keeps me up at night is that i
feel like i have been a bad person
feel like i have failed all of my friends
and you'd be better off if i was dead

then there's the one i think about in bed
who i'm afraid that i idealize
and i can't tell if there is something there or if there's not
she consumes far too many of my thoughts

my body is a broken alarm clock
when i fall asleep the sound it makes wakes me up
it prevents me from getting close to all the people that i want
and when they leave they've got a pretty good reason

when i wake up again its because of the bad dreams
like my brother fucking my girlfriend or my mom dying
when i stay up after that its cause i can't escape my fears
when the sun rises the pillows covered in tears

i fall asleep at ten am and i wake up at five
i fall asleep at ten pm and i wake up at five
normal people tend to sleep from 1 am to 9
i'm starting to think that i might need something perscribed
Track Name: ocean city may 2011
i could use some time somewhere else
where i could lay down with all of my friends
and maybe go for a swim
cause right now the city seems way too big

and we'll be drunk by five pm
and maybe for a walk
score some pizza out a garbage bin
pass out and wake up by nine o clock

city slicker i hardly miss her
my head is bursting at the seams
and i am drifting out to sea

wicked blisters mental twisters
all day long down at the beach
this whole day has been a dream
and now i'm drifting off to sleep
Track Name: roof doctor
I was just a little kid when you left
I could not bear the thought of never seeing you again
why did you leave me
you were so reckless you were so selfish you were so crazy

wake up eat depakote sleep
send the kids out for pizza
eat that and then crawl right back into the bed
how could we have known what was going on in your head

remember the episode
you were followed by spies
you threw rocks at their car
and you ran back inside
how could i understand what was happening at the time

I was just a little kid when you left
I could not bear the thought of never seeing you again
why did you leave me
you were so reckless you were so selfish you were so crazy

when you beat ash with that hanger
we thought you had killed her
DYFS came and nearly took her away
when i think of this how could i want you to stay

the last day you were alive
you were up on the roof
in the hot sun your blood boiled and burst
when you were sedated you flirted with the nurse

wake up eat depakote sleep
send the kids out for pizza
eat that and then crawl right back into the bed
how could we have known what was going on in your head

wake up eat depakote sleep
send the kids out for pizza
eat that and then crawl right back into the bed
how could we have known what was going on in your head
Track Name: losing matt and leaving school
i can't belive what you have done to me
i'm wondering how this has come to pass
my only brother left my side
it was his choice i learned at last

i'm losing interest in my mind
this institutions got me down
been wasting money i don't have
it might be best if i got out

my friends are heading different ways
it seems as if that's for the best
they've been manipulating us
i'd like to take some time to rest

bottles are strewn across my floor
old habits rear their ugly head
i can't wake up in the morning
without you i can't go to bed